Religion fascinates me. This interest is recent, however. I used to dread opening my Faith First text book in middle school. I only went to church to be rewarded with brunch afterwards. Lately, though, I've found that learning about faith can be life-transforming. Although I was baptized and raised Catholic, and I still go to Mass every Sunday, I still get stuck on some pretty major parts of Christianity. I find myself saying, "Hold up. You expect me to believe that God sent his human son to Earth? And then he performed all these miracles, and then died, and then Resurrected? And that had something to do with sin? And now you're telling me that those wafers are actually his physical body, just because you said some special chant?" I don't feel comfortable reciting the Nicene Creed - it makes me feel like I'm in some creepy cult.
But there is some value to this thing called faith. Psychologists have found that people who practice a religion are much more likely to describe themselves as happy. I think if I just focus on the most important parts of religion, it can really help me keep things in perspective. Addicts are taught that the only way to overcome addiction is to develop a strong sense of one's "higher being," as in God, Yahweh, Brahma, etc. Gerald G. May wrote an entire book entitled Addiction and Grace, which theorizes that every human has an addiction, because addiction is defined as anything that keeps us from loving God completely. O.K., so what the heck does it mean to love God? Well, Christianity says that the only way to reciprocate God's love is to love those to whom we have physical access - ourselves and everyone around us. Here's the transformational part - when I'm freaking out about something, this gives me an out. If I just convince myself that my problems (addictions) are secondary to "loving God," then they seem much smaller, and therefore much more manageable.
Is it just me, or is that just a slightly more sappy-sounding (a.k.a. Western) way of saying exactly what Krishna is saying in the Gita?

This is one of the most exciting football seasons St. Mark's has had in a long time. My best friend is cheerleading, it's our senior year, we beat Sallies once, and tonight is the championship game against Sallies. Unfortunately, I have missed both games! I was in Pittsburgh on an audition at Point Park University for the first one, and now I'm in Rhode Island visiting my brother, Joey, who is a culinary student at Johnson and Whales. Why is college getting in the way of high school? If anything, wouldn't it be the other way around (not that it should)? I love seeing different facets of our country, and even more so seeing family. I haven't seen my brother since this summer! But I sometimes wish I had a little less "business" to attend to.

On a lighter note, Providence is gorgeous. Today we went to this incredible Italian market, and it had every possible kind of cheese, meat, prepared pasta, pickled vegetable, and truffle that you could think of, plus a gelato stand and a restaurant! We also got to see like fifty hipsters. These hipsters are similar to the ones that you could find on Main Street in Newark, only they are more identical to each other and they dress more weather appropriate. By this I mean that one cannot walk a block down Thayer Street without passing a tall, lanky man in skinny jeans, leather boots, a plaid shirt, a peacoat, some sort of beany, and facial hair. Also, the Newark hipsters are much more skilled on their bikes- these Providence kids are totally clueless as to common traffic patterns.

Well, it's a Friday afternoon. I was in a really good mood in school today. One might assume that this is because, like most other people, I was looking forward to a great weekend, filled with fun and excitement. This is not so. I was looking forward to cleaning my room.
The mere thought of spending my precious hours picking up the masses of clothing off of my bedroom floor makes me smile. When my mother requested this morning that my room be spotless before the day is over, my first thought was, "Oh goodie! It's that time of month again." When I think of the movies I could be viewing, the friends I could be enjoying, the fresh air I could be breathing, I let out a huge sigh of relief- thank goodness I won't be going through those exhausting ordeals tonight. Who wants that?
And here's the cherry on the sundae- after I've finished transforming my room into a livable space, the work isn't over! Oh no, because the house would not be in a tolerable condition if I didn't take out the recycling and the trash. Thank goodness I have all of these chores to keep me occupied. Walking the dog everyday after school, and feeding her plus both of my cats, and cleaning out their litter boxes certainly isn't enough for one adolescent. Besides, everyone knows that breathing in the rose-like smell of catpoop should be considered more of a reward than a chore.
I hate to brag, but every kid should be so lucky.

Today was a long day. I've been up for 19 hours. Actually, that's a lie- I slept for 20 minutes during Italian, and for another twenty minutes about an hour ago- I suppose you could call this my third wind. As I sip some quality Bigelow peppermint tea on an otherwise empty stomach, anticipating future endeavors for tomorrow (Calc test, drive to Pittsburgh) and this weekend, I'm getting some pretty enlightening thoughts. Shall I share?

I find it interesting the amounts of themselves that certain people credit to certain parts. That doesn't make sense. Let me rephrase: depending on who you are, you find certain parts of yourself more responsible for your identity than others. For example, some may find themselves constantly concerned with their face. This means that the person has the false notion that the majority of their personality can be understood by others through their face. Some unfortunate people suffer from the depressing belief that our bodies say much more about us than they actually do. On the other end of the spectrum are the people who pay great attention to their language, or to their social circle, or to courtesy to other people. And then there are the lucky ones who can just go on living without worrying about how others are receiving them.

Here's the strange part- noone wants their body to be the number one thing that other people focus on, even those who are proud of their bodies. Noone wants to be judged on the people they hang out with, or the profanities they're comfortable utilizing, or the jeans they wear. Everyone secretly wants to not have to worry- so why do we? I find that I end up living so much better when I'm too caught up in what I'm doing to worry about how I'm perceived, or what kind of person I want to be.

If any of my classmates are confident that they have the secret to banishing those awful self-conscious moments from one's life completely, please share! Or don't share now- write a book and make it really good and become a millionaire. Does money judge?

Numba one

It's hard to say exactly what I contribute to our world literature class. That's probably because it changes with what we're studying, where I'm sitting, and what kind of mood I'm in. This may not be a good thing, but I'm pretty sure my behavior fluctuates quite a bit with circumstances. I might bring a sort of studious focus to the group. This would have to be on a day when I'm cought up on sleep and somewhat interested in what we're reading. Another day, I might not contribute anything to the group except a desire for some snacks. On a darker note, I must admit that there have been somedays when I've felt slightly disruptive to the learning process by encouraging off-topic conversation and procrastinating on assignments. My apologies. Anyone may feel free to let me know if they think my mood and/or behavior is unacceptable. I will try to work on myself as well. One could put a nicer spin on this by saying that I bring a certain balance to the group, since any prolonged seriousness or extensive slacking can't be permanent with me in the room. I'm like Arizona weather- if you don't like it, just wait five minutes.